I love to laugh.  But I’m not funny.  Sad but true.

I know that one of the quickest routes to connection with our audience is to make them laugh, but too often I’ve been left standing with crickets chirping after telling what I thought was a funny.  I’ve learned a few methods over the years (through the school of hard knocks) that have helped me get my funny on, and I’ve tried to learn from others.  I’m not shooting to be Chanda Pierce, but I do long to allow people to laugh and connect.

If you’re humor-challenged too, here are a few tips for adding some humor to your speaking:

• Collect funny stories from outside sources– There are so many funny stories being written or told that I’d be remiss not to recommend sometimes using other people’s funny.  Be careful, though.  It should be a story that’s fresh, not a forward that half the world has read.  I’ve got a hilarious story  I read on the internet that I use in one of my talks, but I’ve never heard it anywhere else.  Also, make sure to give an outside source credit rather than acting like it’s your own.
• Take cues from your own life–I have an aunt and uncle who have countless hours of funny stories from their own life.  Although it does seem that more funny/wacko things happen to them than anyone I know, it’s really just their perspective.  Even disasters are hysterical, because they see them as funny.  Pay attention to your own daily life, and you’ll have material until the end of time!  Jeff Foxworthy recommends keeping blank notecards with you so that you can write down observations from real life.  You’ll have a file of hilarious stories and thoughts in no time.  Also, I’ve learned that self-deprecation is my best form of humor.  Making fun of my own goofiness is the best way to get people to laugh with me.
• Practice–Give your stories a trial run in front of family members or friends in conversation.  Do they laugh?  Their reaction is an indicator of how an audience will probably react.  Their laughter will be a confidence builder for the day that you tell it in front of a group.
• Let yourself go a little–One of the things that I’ve had to fight from within is the tendency to shut down emotionally when I get on stage.  It’s purely a selfish self-protection mode, but it is a negative when trying to connect with my audience.  I’ve found that praying to be focused on the audience rather than myself allows my natural expressiveness and animation to come out.  Those things enhance funny stories.  I gave the qualification “let yourself go a little“, because too much is just too much.  When listening to the recordings of my speaking, I’ve noticed that I laugh at myself.  Out loud.  Too loudly.  There’s nothing like awkward laughter to make an audience clam up.  I’ve been working on making a face or dead-panning rather than laughing my goofy laugh.

Occassionally I still hear crickets after I’m pretty sure I’ve been hilarious, but it’s less often now.  Have you had to find your funny?  What’s working for you?

Amy

I’m still chewing on and digesting all the information and advice given in the first Preaching Rocket webcast, but there’s one piece that has really made a huge difference in my spring events.  Andy Stanley quoted his dad, Charles Stanley, with a thought that has refocused me with a Divine purpose.

Dr. Stanley regularly says this to preachers and speakers, “Unless you have a burden, you are not prepared to speak.”

In all my work to become a better speaker, I’m always checking and rechecking my motive to make Jesus know rather than to make myself known.  Still, its easy to get caught up in creating a captivating opening, including statistics that pack a punch, honing personal stories and crafting an ending with impact.  At times I’ve gotten lost in the craft of speaking and neglected the heart.

This spring, along with all the work of creating effective, impactful messages, I’ve started with the prayer, “Lord Jesus, give me a burden for Your people and a passion for Youe message.”

Charles Stanley, in his personal teaching section, commented that he only wants to preach when he’s gotten to the point that he can’t NOT preach.  That kind of passion is only gained by seeking God’s heart and asking Him to burden us with the things that burden him.

Andy told a story in which a friend was struggling to feel prepared right before he spoke.  Andy urged him to picture his 18-year-old son on the back row and to imagine that his son had come with a resolution to never set foot in a church again unless God made Himself real that day.  Andy’s friend preached that day with a new and brightly burning passion.

The thing is that we don’t even have to imagine that scenerio.  It’s a reality in any room to which we speak.  There is probably at least one desparate heart that is clinging to the hope that today will be the day.  A heart that is depending on hearing words delivered straight from God into her life.  A heart that can’t stand one more trite saying, “have a nice day” or hollow, pleasant message.

Not long ago, a woman came up to my friend Luann Prater after her message at a weekday women’s event.  She said, “Luann, thank you for being real.  I had promised myself that if I heard one more fake message from one more glossy, plastic woman that I’d never set foot in a church again.”  That night, Luann’s burden and passion met the desparate need in another’s heart.

Do you have a burden?

I let that question lead me into my spring events this year, and it made a difference.  I saw responses like never before as my passion met with the needs in the room.

Amy

Preaching Rocket is offering another free webinar on “Preaching with a Point”.  You can follow this link to sign up for one of 4 different dates and times.

If you’d like to receive daily encouragement for speakers and new resources, please join us on Facebook or Twitter @nextstepspeaker.

When asked to give a message, so often we get busy trying to craft our talk and cover all our bases.

Good opening story? Check!

Got some relevant, outside supporting material? Check!

Original stories unique only to us? Check!

Biblical content included sure to encourage and instruct? Check!

Some take-away action points and a final closing “bang”? Check and check!

However, sometimes in carefully building our unique message, we forget one teeny, tiny detail….our audience.

We must get in tune with who our audience is and where they are spiritually. Even the best message will lose a listener if it is not taking into account where that person may be in their relationship with God. Or, perhaps they don’t even have a relationship with Him yet.

Make sure to talk to the event coordinator to inquire about the spiritual make-up of the audience. It won’t do any good, and may alienate some listeners, if you say “Now, you all know the story of Mary and Martha…”

No. Maybe they all don’t. Some gals may be sitting out there thinking, “Who? Mary Tyler Moore. And Martha? Does she mean as in ‘Stewart’?”

Instead of assuming that the women all know the Bible stories you are referring to, assume they know nothing. A better way to phrase that would be, “There is a story in the Bible about two sisters. One was named Mary; the other Martha. Let me tell it to you.”

This way, you won’t lose one group but will still be able to teach and encourage the other.

Pray each time you speak that while crafting your message, God will give you the words to say that will bless the believers without losing those who have yet to follow Christ.

Karen

After taking care of a long list of tasks for our household today, I reflected again on how crazy-busy women’s lives are.  Because we live life on the fly, every added event has to be considered carefully, and most of us resort t0 the question “Will it be worth it?”

That’s the question that we want to answer for our audience.  The answer starts with a topic description that focuses on the take-aways for our listeners.  Folks don’t care near as much about what we have to “spout” as what they’ll receive.  It’s sounds pretty self-focused, but I have to admit that I do it too.  When I read a description for an event at my church, I’m evaluating if the event is offering something that fills gaps in my life.

One of the ways that I love to start adding value even before a retreat is to give attendees a Bible study for the week before.  I use the scripture for the event and give a reading and some questions to answer for each day.  The added bonus is that God starts speaking to hearts through His Word before I ever stand up to speak!

It’s also important to take the idea of giving your audience value into the event itself.  When I list take-aways, or values statements, in my description, I consider those my promises to my audience.  A fellow speaker told me that she recently attended a weekend retreat where the speaker spoke on different topics than promised in the topic description.  Although my friend tried to learn what she could, she came home feeling gyped.  She hadn’t been given what was promised (and she had been looking forward to the value described up front).

We can continue to bring value even after an event:

• Provide a “Suggested Reading” list for further study.
• Add some “Reflections” questions on your handout so that women can continue to process at home.
• Give a favor with your focal verse or your “sticky statement” (focal idea).  Lots of times event coordinators love to work with you on the cost if you suggest it ahead of time.
• Have a resource table with books that expand on your topic and/or cds of  your other messages that your audience can take home.

We should want our audiences to leave glad that they came, filled with the challenge of Truth and equipped for life transformation.  Focusing on the value that we’re bringing to our audiences is a big step toward meeting that goal.

Amy

Messages can be basically one of three things:

They can be informational. Lots of facts, studies, statistics and other helpful trinkets allow the listener to gather useful material that will enable them to learn about the topic at hand.

They can also be inspirational. These talks make you laugh. They may make you cry. But common to all is that they make you want to get off of your seat and GO! You want to change and grow, explore and experience. Yes you do, if you’ve just heard an inspirational message.

 Messages can also be practical. These talks give you action-oriented steps that you can go home and immediately apply. They are logical and doable. They empower you to do life in a new or better way.

Some messages are heavy on one aspect and light on the others. They tip the teeter-totter toward one side only. Therefore? They are out of balance.

Now, here’s the kicker. The absolute BEST message? It will do all three! And it will balance them perfectly, creating lasting impact.

As you carefully craft your messages, ask yourself these little check-point questions:

•  Am I giving enough raw, fact-driven information? This will be to establish credibility with your audience. It will show them that you know your topic and you have earned the right to teach on it.
•  Do I offer inspiration? Your message should move the listener with emotion. They actually need to feel what you are saying, not just hear what you are saying.
•  Have I given them practical take-away nuggets that they can go and implement right away? Make sure to provide your audience with doable, tangible ideas to be able to put the crux of your message into practice in their everyday life.

By carefully balancing your message with a blend of these three elements, you will be giving your audience a well-rounded and memorable message that will not only inspire them to want to change the way they do life, it will actually empower them to do it!

Karen

I remember standing in exhausted shock in the midst of my now-empty church after the first women’s ministry event  I coordinated.  I was the hero of the day, and I couldn’t quite take it all in.  After waving good-bye to attendee after gushing attendee, I looked at my friend Peggy and said, “I have no idea what to do with all of that praise.”

She smiled wickedly and said, “Don’t worry.  All the criticism is coming.”

She was right.

When you put yourself into a position of leadership of ANY kind–pastor, speaker, women’s ministry director, Sunday school teacher, etc–you will be introduced into the world of flying opinions.  They’ll swirl around you (the good, the bad, and the ugly), and if you’re not careful, they’ll totally engulf and consume you.

Mark Driscoll has been quoted as saying, “Pastors (insert your leadership position here) have lots of foes and lots of fans but very few friends.”  So true.

So what do we do with criticism?  Perry Noble gives this wise advise, “If you listen to the criticism, you’ll think you’re worse than you are.  If you listen to the praise, you’ll think you’re better than you are.  If you listen to your friends, you’ll stay on the tight rope of balance.”

I absolutely LOVE that advise, because I’ve struggled with wild swings of thinking that I must be the pits to thinking I’ve finally got it all together.  Both extremes are dangerous places to live.  I so love to live “on the tight rope of balance”.

To stay firmly on the tightrope, I think it’s important to define the term “friend”.  There have been times that I’ve mistaken both foes and fans as friends.  My true friends are the ones who love me deeply despite my flaws but also have a clear view of those flaws.  They’re the ones who don’t shrink back from telling the truth but who stir love, kindness and gentleness into those hard words.  They’re the ones who will give me grace and the benefit of the doubt on my bad days but shut the lights and close the doors on extended pity parties.  They’re the ones committed to do life with me even when it’s messy, but they bring Fantastic along for the ride.  They’re the ones who will celebrate my successes and mourn my defeats right by my side.  And I do the same for them.

These are the people that will keep me in balance as I strive to minister to others in a spirit of service and humility.

And what do we do with the praise?  My friend Jane, a gifted worship leader and singer, paraphrased a quote from Corrie Ten Boom when she passed on her secret to receiving praise.  Jane told me, “I take each compliment as a flower, and at the end of the day, I give the bouquet to Jesus.”  That advise has helped me so much.  My personality didn’t feel comfortable saying “Give Jesus all the glory” every time someone said something nice.  I WANT Jesus to get all the glory, though.  I just didn’t want the compliment-giver to feel rebuffed, so simply saying “thank you” while I receive the “flower” gratefully feels just right to me.

If you’re in leadership, I want to encourage you today.  You are not as bad as your foes say.  You’re also not as wonderful as your fans say.    But you are loved servant of God on a journey to being like Jesus with others in your wake.  And that’s not only enough…it’s wonderful.

Amy

Amy here.  Today I’m so pleased to introduce my friend and fabulous fashionista, Shari Braendel, as our guest blogger.  Not only am I a better person from knowing this amazing women, I’m also better dressed!  She’s had that effect on our whole P31 team, so Karen and I can’t wait to share her with you.

When you’ve finished reading her fabulous tips for speakers, please visit our new Pinterest site to see some gorgeous samples of outfits that pass the “Shari test”.

The worship leader finishes her last song and the emcee approaches the stage to announce you, the speaker. You mentally go over your checklist to make sure you didn’t forget anything. Speaking notes, Bible, power point in place, gum swallowed. Whew, you remembered everything. Or did you?

Confident in the topic God has given you to share, are you as self-assured in your appearance and what you’ve chosen to wear?

What you wear to speak is an integral part of your presentation, because how you dress, the styles you choose, and the colors you pick are essential ingredients to showing off God in the very best possible light.

Your clothes can be a distraction or hindrance to your message. If your audience is focused on your too-big accessories, outdated hairstyle or too snug skirt, then basically the package you’re delivering is brought to the party without the proper wrapping.

Follow these 8 easy steps to true confidence in what you wear when you’re the speaker!

1. Wear clothes that reflect your style, are up-to-date, and fit well.  Too-big, too-tight and sleeveless clothes are no-no’s. Don’t wear bulky or sheer fabrics, or too short dresses and skirts. Unpolished shoes or bags with loose threads look messy. Check to make sure heels and toes of shoes are in good shape.
2. When was the last time you had a compliment on your hair? If it’s been awhile, make an appointment to get your hair cut or colored in a current, flattering style. No crazy, trendy, outlandish hairstyles or hair color.
3. Wear colors that makes you shine! If you don’t know what they are, get a FREE  Color Analysis at www.ColorEnalysis.com  and find out the hues that make you glow.  Don’t wear black or wild prints.  Many backgrounds of stage/curtains tend to be dark so if you wear solid black you can look like a floating head, especially if they project you on the big screen!
4. Wear soft makeup shades that compliment your natural coloring. The colors of your makeup should coordinate with your clothing and line up with your color analysis outcome. Even if you’re not used to wearing makeup, you still need some for the stage. Foundation, mascara and lipstick are essential.
5. Basic manicure and good hygiene are important. The best color for your polish is a neutral shade or French manicure. No chipped polish, unpolished nails or strong perfume, please!
6. Wear a good fitting bra. Get measured by a professional at a local department store to get the correct size and fit. Bust lines hanging too low or your headlights showing are a major distraction. Be careful, too, of lacy bras that can be seen through your clothes. Your bra straps should not be  showing, nor should cleavage.
7. Proper undergarments are a must. Wear a shaper to hide any extra fluffiness (it’s not fat anymore!) Be certain panty lines aren’t showing through your clothes.
8. Wear the right amount of accessories…not too many or too few. Earrings, necklace, bracelet, watch and no more than two rings are a good rule of  thumb. No baby-size or gigantic jewelry.

Once you’ve covered this checklist, you can be certain the message you’re delivering won’t be overpowered by the clothes you’re wearing and your audience will receive you with no distractions.  God will shine through you in a brilliant way! 

Shari Braendel
Considered America’s most popular Christian Fashionista, Shari Braendel believes the reason most women don’t feel confident in how they look and dress is because they’ve never been taught how. The author of Good Girls Don’t Have to Dress Bad, she speaks most weekends somewhere in the US helping women of all ages see themselves as beautiful while teaching them the how-to’s of putting themselves together. She is wife to Dave, mom to Luke and stepmom to adult triplet stepdaughters. She resides in Charlotte, North Carolina.  www.FashionMeetsFaith.com

Have you ever attended an event with a speaker that you thought, “She gets me.  I’m pretty sure we could have coffee and hit it off.”?  How about the converse?  You sat through a whole message and just knew that the speaker had no idea what your life is like.  She was polished and professional and may have even given a good message, but you left feeling deflated, lonely and discouraged.

As speakers, one of our main goals should be to connect with every person in the room.  That’s a high bar to set.  It’s a struggle to connect with all the ages and stages of life that may be represented, but it’s not impossible.

Several pastors from the Sermon Rocket webinar addressed the difficulty of connecting with so many different people and gave suggestions for tackling the problem.  There were 2 solutions that struck me as things I want to try.

1. Develop your own creative team.  These are people who are willing to listen to your message ideas and help you develop them.  Perry Noble explained how his team helps him out of his box.  Left to his own devices, Noble said that most of his illustrations would come from football.  Knowing that his entire congregation won’t follow (0r be interested in) those illustrations, he gets other ideas from his team.  When he was preaching about the wreckage of sexual sin, he gathered a group of women to ask them about their experiences.  Even though I’m sure that wasn’t completely comfortable for anyone in the room (!), Noble said that it was one of his most impactful messages ever because of including the women’s perspective and stories.  I’m not on a church staff, so I don’t have a ready-made team.  I started brain-storming, though, and I definitely have people  around me who can be helpful–my husband and boys with the male perspective, my best friends who are creative types, my friends who have had other life experiences.  These are people we can seek out for help as we develop our messages.
2. Run it by your “ghost friends”.  Jud Wilhite, a pastor from Las Vegas, said that he imagines a variety of people sitting around his desk as he writes his messages.  Although they are not there in person, they are real people in his life.  He asks himself, “What do I need to include for Tim, my friend going through the nasty divorce?  What about for Tina, my single friend who longs for children?  What do I need to say to address Sheila’s needs as she cares for her mom in her last days?”  He goes around the room of his “ghost friends” and thinks about what he needs to include to biblically encourage each in their situation.

Both of these approaches are helpful.  The main thing that we need to keep in mind is that we want to reach out beyond ourselves and our experiences to connect with the whole room.  We need to compel people to step into our messages instead of listening dispassionately from the outside.  Stepping in, engaging and identifying is the only way our listeners will be moved toward transformation.  And transformation is the goal.

Amy

As a novice speaker, I was meticulous about my notes. I didn’t just type out a rough outline. Nope. No Roman numerals for me. I typed out nearly each and every word I would say! Then, I ran it off on my old dinosaur computer, tucked the pages in a school pocket folder and was off to my engagement.

As the years progressed, I learned—through the few near disasters that occurred—some ways to streamline my note making. Try these:

•  DO NOT use notes that are loose pages. They may get out of order. Even if they are cleverly numbered, they still might tumble off the podium leaving you scrambling to reorder them while your audience waits. (Been there. Dropped that.)
• Use a three-ring binder and clear plastic pages protectors. You know, like the ones used in scrap booking? This way your notes are in order and if you do happen to drop your folder, the pages will stay in the proper order.
• Use a combo of outline and actual written-out words. If you come to a point where you will tell a story that you are very familiar with, you will just need to put a bullet point (or Roman numeral, if you wish) that states “Tell the story of the family reunion”). However, if there is a certain way you want to word a very important teaching point, you might want to type it out word-for-word.
• Color-code your notes. It makes it easier on the eyes and helps you to quickly find your place when you are through doing a portion of your talk from memory and then return to your notes. Perhaps stories are in red; main points in blue; outside quotes, lyrics, etc.. are in green.
• Or, color code for time length. Often a group that has booked you for a 45-minute talk will suddenly say they are running behind due to the craft project or other portion that went long. Now they wonder, “Can you do the talk in 30 minutes?” To avoid having to edit on the fly, I color code my message folders this way. If I have an hour, I cover all the material in my notes (black, red & blue font colors). If I only have 45 minutes, I skip the red. If I only have a half-hour, I skip the blue too, covering only what is in black. This has saved me MANY on-the-fly edit jobs.
• In the front of the binder, tuck a note that tells what all you will need to successfully give that message. Do you have a visual? Read an excerpt from a book? Need to show an illustration that requires some household items? By listing it there you will save time racking your brain trying to remember what you need to bring with you when you deliver that particular message.

With a little advanced planning, your notes can help you deliver your best message with very little headaches!

Karen

Woooohoooo!  The day that we’ve been waiting for is here!!!!!  She Speaks registration is open.

I think most of our readers are familiar with Proverbs 31 Ministries’ summer conference for speakers and writers, but if you’re new, I want to give you the scoop.  Why?  Because I love She Speaks more than my birthday.  To some of you that might not be a big deal, but I’m narcissistic about my birthday verging on the need for repentance.

Here are my Top 10 Favorite Things about She Speaks:

10.  It’s held at the Embassy Suites which is loveliness balm for a tired woman’s soul.

9.  The place is filled with girlfriends…

8.  Which means that you must go buy one pair of completely irresistible shoes.  You don’t need a whole new wardrobe (more on that in the future), but I give you permission to buy one pair of shoes. 

7.  The atmosphere with all those Jesus-loving, single-focused women with like-callings is palpably powerful.

6.  I get oodles of invaluable information from experts in their field.

5.  God pours one huge heart-shift into me every year.

4.  You get a chance to share your book proposal with Christian publishers.  I can’t wait to read your book!

3.  Praise and worship times are filled with God’s Presence.

2.  Other women’s God-stories told in their Speaker Evaluation group builds faith.

1.  He speaks at She Speaks.

Did I miss anything in your Top 10, past attendees?

Amy